JOSEPH GORDON LEVITT IS A MUCH MORE TALENTED VERSION OF SHIA LABEOUF
This is a story of boy meets girl.
The boy, Tom Hanson of Margate, New Jersey,
grew up believing that he’d never truly be happy
until the day he met “the one.”
This belief stemmed from early exposure to sad British pop music
and a total misreading of the movie ‘The Graduate’.The girl, Summer Finn of Chennicok, Michigan,
did not share this belief.
Since the disintegration of her parents’ marriage,
she’d only loved two things;
The first was her long, dark hair.
The second was how easily she could cut it off,
and feel nothing.
I am not one to tout a romantic comedy, but feel that I have had more in common with both the characters in 500 Days of Summer than any other movie. Throw in a perfectly chosen soundtrack not heard since the 90’s movie Singles, a Bollywood music number to Hall and Oates, “You make my dreams come true,” and you have the makings of a classic little Indie flic.
Now, I would not characterize this movie as the movie that defines my wife and I’s courtship. It does give me an idea of what type of person my wife has had to deal with for the past 14 years of knowing each other, the last 8 years of being together, the last 5 years of wedded bliss, and the last three years as parents.
The divorce I had seen around me had caused a Texas sized fear of commitment, but at the same time always feeling that I wasn’t a complete person until I had met, “the one.”
THE EQUATION THAT SAYS IT ALL
When I think of our relationship I am reminded of the forces of nature. No, not the Sandra Bullock/Ben Affleck romantic comedy, the forces God has put into place to enable life to exist. Because the only cable channel that still flows through my television is The Science Channel, I understand that there are four forces in nature that enable life to exist. Gravity (gravitons), electro-magentism (photons), weak forces (bosons) and strong forces (gluons) have to be in perfect harmony with each other or our DNA (life) unravels. Apparently, the field of physics have mastered mathematical equations for everything but the graviton.
I believe it to be the graviton to be God’s way of responsible for bringing people closer together. This is why I am still so attracted to my wife.
So, 14 years ago this past fall began what I call “The Great Manipulation”: My attempt to control the forces of nature to woo my wife into a relationship:
- Take 1: There is an amalgom of memories that I have of my wife that includes her being the beautiful red headed girl on the dance team. She had a care-free inhibition about her that not many others possessed. The biggest thing about her was that my Eddie Haskel like charm had absolutely no effect on her at all. This made me even more attracted to her knowing she felt absolutely no attraction to me. I chose to just play the cordial guy and have since found out that she was slightly repulsed by me all through college.
- Take 2: One night I went back to my alma mater to partake in the homecoming festivities, the last year it was socially acceptable for someone my age to be at a fraternity party. I ran into her on the stoop of my fraternity house and we talked until the sun came up. This was the seed that would take another three to four years to culminate. I then realized that I was attracted to the absolutely genuine person that she was; she wasn’t fake and was absolutely authentic about her own life. I was a big ball of fake and in-authenticity, but something about her made it easy not to have to be that way.
- Take 3: I planted another seed with a sorority sister of hers hoping that it would get to my wife. I found out later that it did reach my wife, but she wasn’t quite ready to believe it.
- Take 4: I planted another seed in a fraternity brother of mine that was around her at all times. She still wasn’t ready to accept it.
- Take 5: At this point, I had told myself that if I ever ran into her, I would ask her out on the spot. Sounds easy enough, but you have to understand that I am just not that spontaneous. The timing was never quite right. We had ran into each other several times at weddings and other social gatherings, but the timing was never right between the two of us.
- Take 6: One fateful humid August night in downtown Kansas City. A bar called Jilly’s that I was reluctantly drug to. I was talking to the DJ and she walked out of the bathroom. The time was right, so I asked her, “Are you seeing anyone right now?” She said, “No.” I asked her if I could call her and if she would like to go out with me. The seed had finally germinated and she said yes. Two weeks later and I introduced her to my mother. Yeah, I know, but it wasn’t as weird as you think.
I really thought I had the ability to manipulate just about anything. The two worst enemy of manipulators are time and close relationships; One big reason for my fear of commitment. Time will always expose you for what you really are. Close relationships often speed up that time to exposure to your true self. One thing that marriage has taught me is that manipulation only makes things much worse.
My wife has taught me so much in the past eight years we have been together. We have both grown so much spiritually because of her. She has taught me that I am in fact not the master of my life and that I need to put more trust in God than my own manipulative nature. We spent so much time either keeping ourselves or each other at the center of our relationship that we knew that doing that is a recipe for disaster. I pray that every day we wake up, we keep God at the center of our lives because we know that is the only way to make all of our relationships fall into place.
More life changing events have happened to us in the past five years for me than the previous 29:
- Married,
- Bought a house
- Got a dog
- changed careers
- failed a career
- changed careers again
- had a daughter
- had a son
- Wife stayed home with the kids
As stressful as it all can be, I wouldn’t change a thing. I think I am here to help my wife navigate through some of the directions and details and she is here to help me to stop and smell the flowers and to see God’s hand in everything. She does so much for me every day that I definitely don’t thank her enough. Our house is always clean, are kids faces are always wiped off and she has even stepped in to take over a lot more of the finances, which anyone with a stay at home mom can understand how difficult that can be. Not only that, but she typically proof reads all of my posts. I didn’t let her read this, so I know it is riddled with errors.
Mollie, I love you very much and thank you for starting me on a path that led me to getting Baptized this past week. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me that we were able to experience that together.
,
Brian
“A Journey is like a marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.” John Steinbeck
So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate. Matthew 19:6 (New International Version)
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